I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
