Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
