i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
