College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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