you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
