do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
