So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
