But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
