dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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