Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
