The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
