dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I fill condoms, not promises.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
