she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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