"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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