I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My bed smells like the plague
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
