Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
