Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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