This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
