I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
