I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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