I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
