Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
