the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
