I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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