where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
