Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
