What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
