well you can't waste a boner
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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