I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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