Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
