She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
