I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
