They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
