phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
