There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
