i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
