Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
