Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
