I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
