All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
