Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
