I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
