so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
3 2 1 whiskey
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
