I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
