Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
