Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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