Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
