you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
