I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
