My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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