Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
