Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
