just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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